Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Another day hails another list.

I feel that a $0.30 tip warrants a "part two" to last night's rant.
Whiney? Maybe.
Truth? Yes.
Confused? Click here and catch up!
The following is a second list of everyday occurrences in my workplace that causes frustration to my person.

Check, please!- the customers that usually consist of two separate parties that each offer to pay for the bill. It is a renowned fact that neither person truly wants to pay for the entire check, but politeness entitles them to offer. This is especially confusing to those on my end of the situation.
Will this be all together or on separate checks?
Diner 1: All together, I'll take it.
Diner 2: No no, I'll take it.
Diner 1 looks at me sternly: Give it to me.
Diner 2 furiously nods his/her head from side to side.
People, this does not help! I walk away without an answer to my initial question and am left with only one option: to print the check and set it down equidistant from each person and watch them squabble over who will follow through with their initial proclamation.

Illiterates- Do you have french fries?
No. If we did serve french fries then they would be listed in the menu, most likely under the "sides" portion.
What comes on the House Special pizza?
Actually, if you took the time to read 1/9 of a centimeter below where you are reading presently, you will find all of the ingredients listed in an orderly fashion.
There are menus for a reason.

Table Savers- Sometimes I see tables being pushed together. This could mean just one thing, that a large party is coming my way. Minutes later I check back to see how the progress is developing and whether or not the party has inevitably shown up. The most disconcerting happening is returning to the meshed together tables with 9 chairs surrounding them and only one body present.
5:45 p.m: Could I get you something to drink or put in order for an appetizer while you wait for the rest of the party?
No, they should be here soon.
6:14 p.m: the remainder of the party arrives.
It truly would not be insulting to anyone if you were to wait in the lobby instead so as to let me have my table free for other potential guests.

Yes you can- My favorite scenario is when somebody wants something served under certain conditions that are in no way plausible.
Well, I've done it before.
Are you sure about that? Because it truly is not only out of my control, but it is an impossible feat.
The customer is not always right.

Are you open?- Oh the notorious customers that come in five minutes before the restaurant closes! Don't get me wrong, I understand the argument that if the store hours are declared open until 10 p.m., then at 9:58 a person should be able to walk in and sit down and expect a fine dining experience. However, while you will definitely get a meal, please do not expect the cleaning process to halt because of your presence. Closing down a restaurant is a tedious and time dragging endeavor. Also, this last minute presence means that the server on the floor will be at work an hour longer than scheduled, so please please tip adequately and help to make their extra time spent worth their efforts.

The One-way Conversations- these happen to me much too often and typically proceed as follows:
Me: How is everyone doing this evening?
Diner: I'll have a water with lemon.

Me: Can I get you something to drink?
Diner: How big are your calzones?

Me: Would you like to start off with an appetizer?
Diner: We would like to order a large pepperoni and mushroom pizza.

Me: Could I get you another Coke?
Diner: Can I have another Coke?

The Nightmares- I think that the nightmares are the worst part of any job, especially serving. These dreams are so troubling because it all seems so real, too real for my taste. In my dreams, everything that could possibly go wrong does. Coke machines are down, we're out of this and we're out of that, drinks are spilled, customers are holding me hostage at their table while they figure out what they want to eat, and to top everything off, I am being quadruple sat with parties of 15.
Come on, conscience! The last thing I need is to be stressed out while I sleep! Throw me a bone, here!

Alright alright, for the sake of your sanity and for my own, I promise to stop this silly little rambling once and for all- no more talk about serving tables or the like. Forever. I mean it. 

Dear blog,
Thank you for giving me such a forgiving outlet of which to vent. 
You have been too kind.
I promise to no longer bore you with my petty rants.
Yours truly,


  1. Our best friends both worked at a restaurant until several months ago... they complained about these very same people. It always amazes me how incredibly rude people can be to the people who are bringing FOOD to them. I am always nice to my servers... I'm not ever super-chatty, just because I'm not a fan of small talk with people I don't know, but I always smile, I'm polite, and I always tip at least 20% unless the service is just completely horrible.

  2. April, good for you! I think I worked one of my last shifts ever last night so I'm definitely excited to be moving on!

  3. oh man--don't promise not to rant anymore! if you want to rant, rant. ranting is fun.
    even the word, ranting, is fun.

  4. Suzy, you're so right. It's my blog and I do what I want. haha.

  5. ranting is good...getting stuff off your chest is good...and a blog is a great way to do so...in a neat orderly sort of way!