Soul Searching.

I'm still trying to come to terms with my decision not to go to graduate school [right now, at least].

My stress level with this decision has risen so high that I had to resort to creating a simple pros/cons list to come up with the answer.

Stay in Knoxville for Grad School:

(+) Boyfriend is here

(+) Friends

(+) College town = Easier to attain a first job

(+) Own Apartment

(+) Night life

(-) Boyfriend will only be here another year

(-) Friends here are not permanent either

(-) Don't want to have a career in Knoxville

(-) Do not see my family enough as it is

(-)(-) Do not know if I am going to grad school for the right subject

Moving home to Franklin:

(+)(+) Family [this counts twice because I have a large family]

(+) Saving Money

(+) Friends

(+) Love Nashville

(-) Long distance relationship

(-) More difficult to find a first job

(-) Once again, living with my parents

And the verdict is...

Although the positives are a tie, the negatives for staying in Knoxville far outweigh those of moving home. And for these negatives, here is what I have to say:

First of all, long distance relationships suck. They do. But Eliot and I are something special.

Secondly, finding a big kid job will be difficult no matter what. As my dad put it, "this is genuinely one of the hardest times of your life, trying to get your foot in the door as a college graduate." It's going to be a challenge no matter where I live, I just need to put myself out there until something works out.
And I will probably get very frustrated in the process.

And lastly, I have my whole life to be an adult and to live on my own. Why rush it? I'm 21.

When it really comes down to it though, there are FIVE very good reasons as to why this is the right decision, for now at least.

Dylan, 16. He is just now beginning to realize how cool his big sister is (that's me).
There are things I need to teach him now that he'll finally listen.

Brenda and Daiana, 15 and 16. They were adopted about 2 1/2 years ago, and unfortunately, they only know me as the daughter who comes in town on some weekends and holidays.

Sara and Jack, 8 and 7. This girl thinks the world of me, and this boy...well, he has more important Spongebob-ly issues on his mind. Either way, I want to be a constant in their lives while I still can.

Ok, I think I'm finally comfortable with this decision.