I feel pretty awkward right now. I haven't written a post in a year and a half and my loyal readers (i.e. mom) have really been depressed by my lack of making personal and pertinent information public. To give you an idea of my current state, I have retyped each word about four times so far because I don't know what voice I am supposed to write in - I can barely form a grammatically correct sentence and I am eating string cheese even though I am not at all hungry. Let's just say that I'm out of practice when it comes to basic blogging functions so just know that upfront.
I hesitate to blame my void of writing on something so simplistic as 'living' - but it's true. I was just too busy living my life to document it. It sounds like a good thing...but for a girl who is semi-obsessed with recording every little detail, I don't necessarily view it as a positive. It's okay though. I got an Instagram - that helps a little.
The past year and a half has been a fucking whirlwind. I could seriously write a novel. Well, not a novel…but I could definitely star in a very entertaining reality series. Really, I think I could sign a contract with a network for at least three solid seasons that highlight events from the past year of my life. It might not fill a prime-time slot, but I think it could very well gain a loyal cult-like following. Maybe not at first...but once viewers realize that my awkward tendencies are actually charming and cute, they'd come around. I am just sure of it (and yes, that is exactly what I tell myself when it comes to my dating life).
But seriously, in essence, I'd break up the show like this:
Season One - The Beginning of the End (Character Introduction)
Season one starts out as a classic story about a young out-of-college couple who move to the big city with the hopes of starting their life together...(yawn). Fortunately, life got in the way and all of their plans were completely shot to hell. I say 'fortunately' because if life had not intruded in the way that it did, I would have a very boring story to tell - or worse, no story at all. My first 6 months of living in DC was solely based around learning that black & white does not exist - especially in relationships. Whether it is a relationship you have been in for years or a brief 6 month affair, there is just no right or wrong. On paper, this time of my life could easily be classified as a drama, but I like to think of it more as a romantic comedy - like He's Just Not That Into You.
Actually...that movie is a perfect reflection of my life at this time. And I think that I could safely say that I played the role of every single female character...all at once. I moved here with my boyfriend. I had the perfect Carrie Bradshaw apartment. I learned to cook. Just kidding, I learned to make one casserole. I couldn't find a job. I interned. I broke up with my boyfriend. I got my heart broken at the exact same time. I was single. I was secretive. I was longing for job security, but not stability. I was desperate, but picky. I was dependent, but not by choice. I was angry and lovesick. I was just flat out confused and a complete, sparkling mess. See, the reality show is getting good already! Because who doesn't love the demise of a solid female lead?
Season Two - In Transition (Peak Viewer Ratings)
Season two is when I finally grow a pair of balls and cut out the toxic people in my life (bye). But I'm still not completely okay with it yet so I go a little crazy. It's like a Jersey Shore meets a reversed Bachelorette. Once I moved out of my first apartment, I got a job at LivingSocial - ever heard of it? Hands down, one of the best jobs I have ever had. I met some awesome friends during a very vulnerable point in my life. We laughed. We drank. We danced. We drank. And we g-chatted a lot.
The reverse Bachelorette quip is in reference to the fact that during this period I didn't know how to be single. After 8 plus years of being in some sort of relationship, I was looking to grab hold of any attention that I could get. And I had so many new friends - the possibilities seemed endless! Except that this wasn't the case at all and said possibilities found an end very quickly and abruptly. I found out that I was not the pretty, put-together girl that you see on The Bachelorette who gets to pick and choose which of the willing, eligible bachelors she likes best...I was a hot mess - trying to impress everybody and failing harder and more embarrassingly with every effort. I like to quietly refer to the summer of 2012 as the freshmen year of college that I never had. I just didn't care. It was great for a while and proved to be the perfect distraction from the pain and massive ego hit that my personal life had recently endured. But eventually the unhealthy lifestyle took its toll on my body and mind, and once I got to the point that I couldn't hide it any longer, I took back my control and sanity. End season two.
For what it's worth, it was a great escape. I wouldn't change a thing.
Season Three - The Aha! Moment - The Resolution
Have you ever seen Girls? You probably have. It's kind of a big deal. Well, the Aha! Moment is when I realize that my life is parallel to that of Marnie Michaels. So I finally learn how to be independent. After getting amply screwed over by a boy, my job, and my landlord all within the same time period that I am trying to trump a breakup, I saw a light at the end of the tunnel. The turning point was when I finally learned to stop looking for a guy and to start taking some strong solace in my gal pals.
The last picture is of my buddy, Nick. He is clearly not of the female persuasion. But this kid is a rock star and has helped me out more than I can even say. He knows things about me that I can't tell a lot of people. Plus a free cruise never hurt anyone. More on that later.
Anyway, in the third season I encounter a lot of life-altering experiences in a very short amount of time. So much so, that I am inspired to write again!
I have an epiphany. I figure out my ideal career. I learn about death. And I lose a friend. Unfortunately, this is about the time of my imaginary televised career that my audience would tire, lose interest, and the show gets canceled. Lucky for me, blogs don't have such strict standards and I am free to elaborate on the aforementioned list in posts to come.
So mom, since you're the only person reading this, I hope you're happy. And if you're not my mom, cool (but you also might be on the wrong site).